I was asked at church the other day whether wives should submit to their husbands, based on the English translations of Ephesians 5:22-24. My answer confused the hearer as they thought I was saying no a wife need not obey a husband, when in fact I was saying, yes they should, but all Christians are meant to submit to one another (that is the real command in the passage). Let me explain.
In the original Greek, which is the original language of the NT (not English), the command comes in v. 21 as a participle (hyptassomenoi), “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This is what is known in Greek as an imperatival participle, which is a fancy way of saying a participle (an “ing” word, e.g., submitting) that is actually a command. It is placed in the first position which gives it prominence or as older scholars would say "emphasis." The following verse (22) does not have a command in it. It draws on the participle stating (wives to your own husbands as to the Lord).
So the command to the Ephesians is actually, “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Hence, the real point Paul is making, which is radically counter-cultural, is that all Christians are to be in submission to one another. This clearly includes wives to husbands (which Paul will specify in the next verses) and husbands to wives and everyone to everyone.
This kind of pattern of relationship is consistent with a Christianity patterned on the example of Christ. He is the Lord, with complete authority. Yet, he did not command people's allegiance or dominate them, rather, he loved and served all humankind in his wonderful ministry.
In fact, Paul draws attention to this in Ephesians 5:1–2 where the Ephesians are all to imitate God as his loved children. They do so by walking in love as Christ loves his people, and giving themselves up for others as Jesus presented himself as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. In other words, we serve the hell out of one another.
So, Ephesians 5:22–6:9, which forms one section that is called a “household code” (found all over ancient literature and this is Paul’s one), and it is to be read in the light of Eph 5:21 where all Christians submit to one another.
Wives are to submit to their husbands, children are to obey their parents, and slaves obey their masters (all consistent with the culture of the day and which do not need elaboration—these are just what is expected). We should note that Paul uses a different verb for wives--they are not to obey, they are to submit. This is carefully chosen to ensure they realise that their obedience goes first to Christ, as they are yielding in their relationship with the Lord. (When a husband demand a wife do something that violates her relationship with Christ, she should not obey, and vice versa.)
Then, in each of the three parts (marriage, parenting, masters-slaves), Paul turns each command on its head with stunning counter-cultural commands. First, he tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, i.e., serve her to the point of death. This is another way of saying what is said in 5:21, submit to one another. It is an astonishing command because in the ancient world, generally speaking, husbands were not expected to love their wives in such a way. Such love was expected of wives. This is counter-cultural.
Then, stunningly, husbands are to raise children in the Lord. That is another amazing statement in a world where women were expected to raise children. Rather, it is the fathers who do so! Some argue that "in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" conditions this away from simply nurturing children. Yet, all Paul is saying is what one would expect of any Christian parent. When you nurture a child (ektrephete), do it without provoking them and do it in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. They are still to raise them, these other aspects point out how. A woman raising a child would be expected to do the same.
Knowing women in the main raised children in the ancient world, Paul is effectively saying, share the parenting, as women were already expected to do this.
Practically it says nothing about who stays at home with the kids, who should go to work, who does the dishes, who vacuums, etc. Obviously, God created women to breastfeed. Beyond that, it is open as to who is the primary carer.
Interestingly, the NT does not really say anything much about who stays at home and raises the kids. Many assume it is the women, but the NT is pretty well silent on it. The closest we get is 1 Tim 2:15, which is a very difficult text to interpret as it seems to suggest a woman is saved through bearing children. If Paul wrote this, he is clearly not saying a woman is saved through having and raising kids because, for Paul, we are not saved by works but by faith (Eph 2:8-9). As such, scholars discuss what he means here and generally take it in a non-literal way (those who believe Paul wrote the letter, as I do).
Then, the most amazing of Paul's commands here, in my view, is Eph 6:9 where Paul tells master to treat their slaves in the same way as they are to treat their masters. He has just told slaves to obey masters with fear and trembling, sincerely, not merely to please them, but to please Christ, knowing he/she will be rewarded. Then, masters are to do the same to them without threat. Some ancient and modern interpreters think this points to the end of slavery (something Christians failed to realise until the Wilberforce and Abraham Lincoln movements).
What is really cool about this whole section is that the person being addressed in the second half of each part is the same person--the man, the father of the house--as the man in the ancient house was husband, father, and master of the slaves. The real emphasis in the passage is the man of the house who is addressed three times (while wives, children, and slaves are addressed once).
Paul is giving a new vision of how to be a man. Married men with children in the Ephesus church (or wider church if it is a circular letter) were to submit to their wives by loving them with total self-sacrifice. They were to be fully involved in the nurture and raising of children as disciples without provocation. They were treating slaves with equality as on a par with them.
In other words, Paul paints a countercultural picture of an egalitarian society in which, yes, there are leaders, but they lead in a totally new way, as Jesus showed the world in his sacrifice.
It has taken the church centuries to work out what this looks like in real terms. The big issue in the early church was race and culture. Did new gentile converts need to become Jews to follow the Jew Jesus? The NT deals with this across its pages. The answer, "no." All are one in Christ, there is neither Jew nor Greek (Gal 3:28).
Over the centuries it came to realise that slavery itself was flawed and that in passages like this (and Philemon), we should have seen the end of slavery as a flawed system. Thankfully the likes of Wilberforce and Lincoln fought for this. Since then, we have come to realise that the NT is not calling not only for wives to submit to their husbands but for husbands to submit to their wives with self-sacrificial love. This is a picture of an egalitarian relationship in which Christ is Lord and husbands and wives serve one another. We have come to realise that while it is obvious that it is best for a child to be breastfed in its earliest days, the nurture of the child can come from the father and the mother.
So, should a wife submit to her husband. Yes! And with self-sacrificial love. Equally, one should ask, should a husband submit to his wife? I would say, yes, through self-sacrificial love.
I have never heard a preacher stand up and tell the fathers of a church that they must raise their children. I have heard many Christians demand that a wife submits to her husband. Both sermons would miss Paul's point in the passage which is a stunning vision of an egalitarian family structure for God's people.
One of the strange anomalies in interpretation is that many single out "wives submit to your husbands" but fail to apply the same approach to "fathers bring up your children." If we read the passage consistently, we would do so. By doing such things, we are picking and choosing this and that verse to enforce our own biases. However, I do not advocate picking both verses out, for if we do, we miss what is being demanded of us, we distort the message, and miss Paul’s point. The whole thrust of the passage is "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" and we do this with radical sacrificial service of one another, no matter what our so-called "place" is in the household. We miss the passage's extraordinary summons to a new society.
So, in sum, yes, wives are to submit to their husbands by serving them. But, equally, a husband is to submit to his wife by serving her with the same self-sacrificial service.
We are all to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
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